of life,
i dont think i have grown
significantly more comfortable with
certain ideas most people are
(seemingly) well conditioned to.
for example,
unions, REunions,
socialising on a regular basis,
worshipping Human Beings or Non-Human Beings,
rating and labelling relationships,
being happy on birthday or merry on xmas,
making it compulsory to have lunch companions
ETC.
while ive grown up a little to
acknowledge that this attitude is
antisocial and not widely accepted,
there is still this great inertia to
conforming.
in all fairness
i have improved.
i make effort to set myself requirements to
socialise at a tolerable frequency,
just to keep up with the
Normal Crowd.
i know, i know
explaining myself AGAIN
just makes me come across
more bizarre,
more like a deliquent with
some lot of issues.
most times, people take it
personally, as if i hate them.
but really,
if it was Them,
then by now,
i should have been able to find
at least one person
in this world out of my (close to)
2 decades of life
whom i could
feel consistently pleased
to be around often enough.
Hence, people should really
not feel like i hate them
even if they feel like i behave like
i do.
yes, like you
i live a life
but unlike you
i take it as my job.
thus
socialising(sometimes)
is the equivalent of OT-
brings you the extra bucks,
but sucks you bloody dry.
life, because i take it as a chore,
is not my idea of enjoyable,
but-granted- is necessary,
and brings certain incentives.
i dont mind the chance of
socialising while On The Job,
but i resist the idea of coming back
to the Job on my self-designated
Off Day.
there is a great possibility of
unhappiness, albeit an even
greater possibility of happiness.
friends and relatives-
there's neither a best nor
a not so best.
people are People,
and i will take them on
like a task to accomplish.
sometimes there's a grey boundary,
and thats when things get scary.
thats when feelings are invested and
i actually get whirled the world of
Being Like The Rest.
i start feeling attachment, love, guilt,
sadness, anger and an assortment
of emotions.
All of which,
i see as wrong, and uncalled for.
it defies my principle of convenience
to be overly-human,
it's all to challenging for a kid like me.
cynical or insane,
maybe im just being a child.
but then, a child i shall be;
for it preserves my
self-esteem, allows
for my self-centeredness
and gives me the
comfortable template to which
i let my life take.
10:07 PM